What a whirlwind these past ten days have been! My husband submitted his dissertation seven days ago and then started working nonstop on our home. We worked night and day to get it ready to sell. It went live on the MLS six days later at 10 am. By 12:30 pm we had five people that wanted to see it and had an hour to get out! Oof. Within twenty-four hours, we had two offers that were above our asking price!! We were ecstatic.

As we were filling out the seller’s disclosure form, we were moments away from submitting it when my husband felt he should go under our home to ensure there was nothing we were leaving off. Well…sure enough there was something major. Our ice-maker line had been leaking. For who knows how long. To say we were discouraged would be an understatement. We both slept fitfully that night as we wrestled with what this might mean for us, for selling our home.

 “Bumping into false beliefs”

As I watched our three-month-old baby sleeping I marveled at God’s design. She knows she is loved, and she knows she will be well taken care of. As a result of her faith in us, she doesn’t have a care in the world. So much peace. Such contentment. He longs for us to be like her, to have faith like a child. I know this rationally. He wants us to come to Him in surrender and with complete trust. So, why do I struggle to live in this Kingdom reality?! Into the wee hours of the morning I kept repeating, “I am loved. I am well taken care of,” until I was finally able to release my fears and worries to the Lord in tears.

Thump There I go bumping into my belief systems again. What will it take for me to truly believe these truths deep within so that my life is transformed through living them out???

I kept repeating, “I am loved. I am well taken care of,” until I was finally able to release my fears and worries to the Lord in tears.

These words that I wrote three weeks ago still apply today: It’s like at the core of my being I truly believe He won’t really do anything about this. Why?! Why do I doubt Him? … Perhaps my struggle is with knowing that truth (that God is able), yet not knowing how that will play out.

“In the waiting”

God’s got this. As our pastor says, the worst thing that could have ever happened to me already has – I was once separated from God. He loves me. He will take care of me. He wants my complete surrender and trust. I say with my lips that I trust Him yet making that trust a way of life is lacking.

I’m in a better place emotionally than I was this morning. I am tired, hopeful, very grateful for two solid offers. I’m worried that insurance will be a hassle and that the damage is extensive. I’m a bit scattered at all that is going on—it feels like juggling four balls one-handed in the deep end of the pool.

I long for rest. I want all of the troubles of today to dissolve. Good-bye, COVID-19. See ya later, wood rot in my kitchen. Deep down, I long to see God come through in a mighty way during this season – perhaps He already has and I’m focusing on the lack rather than the plenty.

I’m choosing to show up and be fully present where I am. This proved very satisfying and exhilarating during a call today with my co-workers. I am thankful for the fellowship!

 


One Step Further:

Reflect on a recent disappointment or time when God asked you to wait.

  1. What was your immediate gut reaction – what were you thinking and feeling?
  2. What do these thoughts and feelings reveal about what you believe about God, yourself, or others that might not be true?
  3. What deep desire is connected to these thoughts and feelings, and how might God want to meet you in it?
  4. How might God want you to respond?

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